Hep soyledigim gibi, hafta sonunun hafta icinden cok farki yok benim icin, her gun arastirma ile geciyor zaten. Gunlerin tek farki o gun yoga veya pilates yapmis olmam. Pazar gununun benim icin anlami yoga. Bugun yogada hissetiklerimi yazmak istiyorum. Sonra, doktora-hayat bunalimlari beni etkisi aldiginda okuyup, kendimi iyi hissetmek icin. Kendim icin yani :)
As I always say, week days or weekends are the same for me, everyday is the same, researching, or trying to research. The only difference is whether I practice yoga or pilates that day. What Sunday means for me is yoga. In this post, I want to talk about what I felt during yoga today. I want to come back and read it later, during my panic attacks about phd and/or life. So, just for me :)
Bugun, kendimin aslinda cok olumlu bir insan olduguna karar verdim, ve icimde herkesi affetmeye yetecek guc var. Tandimadigim bir kisi yuzunden yandi icim benim, eskiden. Hani derler ya, icime, yuregime bir tas oturdu. Hala da durur. Nasil desem, artik eskisi gibi degil kesinlikle ama hala aklima geldiginde icim burulur. Yoga ile alakasina gelince, bugun nefret ettiginiz bir kisi dediginde hoca, aklima ilk bu kisi geldi. Tahmin etmezdim, oyle ya yanimda gibi gorunup icimi acitan o kadar insan vardi, hic tanimadigim bir kisi nasil da aklima geldi nefret ettigin biri olarak. Bir de "nefret" diyorum, ben kimseden nefret ettigimi bile bilmiyorudum, dusunun. Ve sonra hoca, ona sevginizi gonderin dediginde, gonderdim, icimde ukte kalmadan.
Today, I realized that I am a very positive person deep inside, and I have the strength to forgive everyone. I got hurt, badly, in the past (well, obviously more than once, but this was different, deep) because of someone I have never met. I don't know how to describe it, but like some huge stone sit on my heart, and break it. Of course, it doesn't hurt as much, but I still feel the burn time to time. Well, what do all this have to do with yoga... Today, when the yoga instructor said think of someone you hate, I immediately thought of this person. I didn't know I hated her, I don't know why I thought about this person when I had a lot of candidates that I knew. And, I am saying "hate", I didn't even know I hated anyone. Then, she asked us to send love to the people we hate, I did, without any hesitation.
Ben bugun bunu yapabildigimi ogrendim. Ben bugun daha cok ben oldum.
Today, I learned I could to this. Today, I became more of myself.
Ve ben bugun daha cok anladim ki, hayat bizim, sevdiklerimiz biz istedigimiz icin yanimizda. Ve hayat bizimse eger, herkes kendisi icin yasamali. Bencillik degil, herkesin kendisini mutlu etmeyi bilmesi gerektigi icin. Eger kisi kendini mutlu edemezse cunku, kimseyi edemez. Ve eger herkes mutlu olursa bu dunya da, bundan ne zarar gelir, soyler misiniz???
And today, I realized that our lives is ours, and our loved ones are with us, because we want so. And, if our lives are ours, really, one should live the life for herself. Not because one is selfish, but in order to learn how to make herself happy. Because if one cannot make herself happy, one cannot make anyone else happy. And, if everyone is happy in this world, can you tell me what is the harm????
Beni mutlu eden bir sarkiyla bitirelim bu aksam da...
Let's end with a song that makes me feel happy...