Baska bir sehirden / From another city

Onceden yazilmis bir yazi.../ Something I have written before...

Baska bir sehirde, bir kafede oturuyorum su an. Internet erisimim yok. Yazmak istedim, yaziyorum bakalim. Insan tek basina kalinca daha cok dusunuyor, en azindan ben oyleyim. Ben kendi kendime vakit gecirmeyi de seviyorum. Insan kendini sevmeyi ogreniyor, ya da ne bileyim, sevmedigi yonlerini degistirmeyi.

I am at a café, in a different city. No internet access. I just want to write, so I do write. When alone, people tend to think more, at least me. I do love spending time alone, by myself. One learns to love herself this way, or may be, to learn to change things that she doesn’t like about herself, just a thought.

Kendimle ilgili konulara girmeden, su anda ne hissettigimden bahsedeyim. Ilk olarak mesela bir kafede cam kenarinda oturmayi seviyorum burda. En cok da cam kenarindaki manzaranin bir park yeri olmamasini. Su anda bulundugum kafenin en kose cam kenarinda oturuyorum. Yuruyen insanlar gormek cok guzel park etmis arabalar yerine. Kimileri semsiyeleriyle geziyor, kimileri bisikletleriyle. Ben kahvemi yudumluyorum, fonda jazz, huzurluyum!

Without talking too much about myself, I want to mention my feelings right now, at this moment. First, for example, I love to sit by the window at this café, here. The thing I love the most about this is, the view is not a parking lot. I am sitting by the corner window. It is much nicer to see people walking than parked cars. Some people are walking with their umbrellas, while some are riding their bikes. Me, I am taking a zip from my coffee, with jazz in the background, I am peaceful!

Beni yazmak rahatlatiyor aslinda. Neden biraktim bilmiyorum. Yani blogda falan yaziyorum bazen de yuzeysel. Bilmiyorum belki kendimi cok anlatmak istemiyorum. Bu yazi belki bir blog postu olur, belki de kaydedilmeden silinir, kim bilir???

Really, writing relaxes me. Don’t know why I ever stopped. Yea, I do write in my blog sometimes, but not so deep. I don’t know, may be I don’t want to reveal my inner self too much. May be all these will be a post in my blog, or maybe get deleted, who knows?

Ingilizce de yazmaya karar verdim, uzun zaman once. Ama bir turlu baslayamadim tabi. Gerekli mi gercekten bilmiyorum. Ama ne yazdigimi merak eden biri var zaten, en azindan o merakini giderebilir :) Gerci gerekli olmasi da gerekimiyor!

I decided to write in English as well, long time ago. But never started. I don’t know if it is really necessary or not. But there is at least one person who is curious about what I write, at least he can satisfy his curiosity :) Also, it is not necessary for it to be necessary anyhow!

Yazmak benim icin cok onemliydi bir zamanlar. Siir ve kisa hikayeler yazardim en cok. Evet, insanlar da begeniyordu ama en cok ben rahatliyordum yazarak. Sonra, ne oldu bilmem, ayri dustuk biraz. Yapmamak lazim aslinda ama oldu iste. Ama bu sehir icimi yazma istegiyle doldurdu. Burda yalniz olmamim da etkisi cok tabi. Sevdim ben bu sehri, ruhu oldugu icin en cok. Yasadigi icin.

Once, it was very important for me to write. Mostly, I would write poems and short stories. Yes, people liked them, but most importantly, I was relaxing while writing. Then, I don’t know what happened, I stopped. Shouldn’t have happened, but it did. But this city inspired me. Of course, it is mostly due to me being alone in this city. I love this city, mostly because she has a soul. Because she is alive.

Bir de su anda bir kafede oturup jazz dinlerken bu yaziyi yazabildigim icin. Pantalonuma kahve doktugum, ve butun gun boyle gezmek zorunda olmamin, ben dahil, kimsenin umrunda olmadigi icin.

Also, because, I can write all these while sitting in this café, and listening to some jazz. And because, even though I spilled coffee on my pants, and I have to wear them all day, nobody, including me, does care about it.

Dun aksam cok guzel bir aksam gecirdim. Senelerdir gormedigim bir arkadasimla. Gordugum de de aslinda cok yakin olmadigim, ve bunun bir kayip oldugunu dusundugum bir arkadasimla. Ne kadar guzel degil mi? Aramaya cekinmistim aslinda, iyi ki aramisim!!!

Last evening, I had a wonderful evening. With a friend I haven’t seen in years. With a friend with whom I was not very close back in the day, which, I believe, is a shame. How nice, right? I was shy to call her, glad that I did!!!

Aslinda bu sehirde gecirebilecegim bir kac saatim daha var, ama elimde valizim oldugundan bu imknani fazla degerlendiremiyorum. Ya da oturarak degerlendiriyorum diyelim. Valizim beni kisitliyor tabiki, ama insanin yuregindeki valizin kisitlayabilme kapasitesinin belki onda, belki de yuzde biri kadar. O yuzden sikayetim yok hic, memnunum :)

Actually, I do have a couple of hours I can spent here, in this city, but I have my luggage with me, so can’t benefit much from these extra hours. Or, we can say that I utilize my hours sitting at this café. Of course, my luggage is limiting me, but nothing compared to the limitations of a baggage one can carry in their heart, or mind, for that matter. Thus, no complains, I am happy :)

Ben buyudugumu hissediyorum artik. Buyumus beni seviyorum. Hic beklemedigim bakis acilari kazandim hayata karsi, biraz daha farkindalilik iceren. Sonra daha sakin bir insan oldum, tabi ki panik hallerim devam ediyor hala, hele research veya gelecek soz konusu oldugunda. (Burda daha cok sey vardi ama birden cekindim :) )

I do feel like I have grown up now. I do love grown-up me. I have gained some insights and perspectives, more mindful, which surprises me. Then, I became more saddle person. Of course, my panics are still there, especially about my research and future. (I had more stuff here, but I got shy to post them :) )

Buraya kadar okuyan, bir odul almayi hak kazandi :) Ama sadece bir foto paylasimi odul malesef...

People who manage to read all are entitled to a price now :) But it is just a photo...


Ne olursa olsun, evde olmak guzel...

Whatever happens, it is nice to be back home....